I love this piece of writing Archer brought home today. The vocabulary is delightful, but best of all is the way he conceptualizes character traits as the abilities of videogame characters, able to be chosen from a menu and utilized to solve problems.
"Friends" by Archer
Friends follow all character traits: fairness, truthfulness, trustworthiness, honesty, sportsmanship, leadership, and kindness. They don't brag, are fun, and understand what I say.
It is therefore easy for me to talk to them. They are common. They even share!
If you are upset, your friends could cheer you up. If they lose, they use the sportsmanship trait to not get pouty. They aren't tattletales -- they use the kindness trait.
Friends are a cinch to get along with!