Happiness is ...

... being back home after a trip.

... the half-knitted sleeve of a sweater that's all for you.

... my daughter's megawatt smile.

.... my son's secret smile.

... a video of those smiles on a beach.

... boxes of presents that it's finally time to enjoy.

... New Year's Eve the way I like it: quiet with a glass of bubbly and my husband.

Just beachy

It was chilly and windy, but brilliantly sunny and beautiful at the beach on St. Simons Island during our visit. Here's a photolog of our many trips two blocks down Eleventh Street to the golden strand.



Is Cady Gray more excited about going to the beach, or being with her Papa?




Sorry, Papa, I think it's the beach.




The beach inspires frenzied dancing ...




... and running in circles.




Archer shared his non-eco-friendly "dune avalanche" game with his sister.




And he even tried his hand at Frisbie (actually the Aerobie Super Disk).




The beach is even better when you share it with your cool aunt and cousin.




Writing your name in the sand: a beach tradition.




The beach access path forms a magical tunnel enclosed by trees, inspiring contemplative thoughts.




This morning, Archer's cool teenage cousin -- an accomplished cross-country runner -- took him for a jog on a very blustery beach.




Archer kept going (and kept up a running commentary) for a couple of miles, despite the fierce headwind.




Master and pupil.




Everybody joined in for the home stretch.




A new generation follows in our footsteps.

Christmas mashup

Today's post about those worthy of knitted gifts is at Toxophily.

And if you want an idea of how joyous our holidays have been, here's the official video.

Looking for adventure

It's our second family gathering in two days -- and our third Christmas gift exchange overall. And that means some handknits reached their final destinations, rendering them safe to blog. You can get all the details at Toxophily -- and you should expect more in the days to come.

Our travels so far have been safe and uneventful. If we can log one more day like that on New Year's Eve, we'll be home -- literally home -- free.

Christmas number two complete

It was a whirlwind day -- if six hours of driving can be described as whirlwind. We breezed to Nashville and accumulated about 30% more presents by volume than we brought. The kids begged to get into their air mattress sleeping bags early; Archer reasoned aloud that they should tuck in at 6:30 since they have to get up at 5:30, but really they were just excited about what Opie memorably called "adventure sleeping."

Tomorrow we'll trek to the airport at the crack of dawn, board an early flight to Jacksonville, and cross fingers/knock wood, arrive at the rented house on St. Simon's Island by lunchtime. I'm looking forward to the last leg of the outward journey, to Christmas number three, and to relaxing with my family before the even-more-whirlwind combined air-highway journey home on New Year's Eve, weather permitting. See you on the coast!

To grandmother's house we go

Today's post about socks for black light conditions is at Toxophily.

We're off on a whirlwind trip to the grandparents -- both sets -- and internet may be intermittent. If I don't get to post much or at all before New Year's, please remember that the Archies will be getting underway once 2010 arrives (here are the 2006, 2007, and 2008 editions). I invite you to compile your lists of celebration, grief, and puzzlement, and share them with me when you do!

Christmas haul: A critical review

We took some chances this year on gifts for the kids, and I think we hit the jackpot. After playtesting some of the items this afternoon, here's a brief report of our experience.

Quirkle

This domino-esque tile game was the first one Cady Gray wanted to play. You play tiles in lines that have one of two attributes in common: either the same shape (of six possible), or the same color (of six possible). There's only about one page of instructions, and a helpful diagram of a sample game. We played without keeping track of points, but the kids caught on to the high-scoring moves (play tiles that count in more than one line, complete a set of six and earn a bonus) very quickly.

I love a lot of things about this game. There's no board, just a bag of tiles (substantial, brightly-colored, and well-made). Strategy is important but not complicated. Scoring is intuitive. In short, it's the perfect game for a range of ages. Both the five-year-old and the eight-year-old were competitive with me almost immediately. (I started off playing with Cady Gray while Archer was immersed in his favorite gift -- a handheld electronic chess game -- but after fifteen minutes he wandered over and started pestering me about playing the next game.) This one's going to have good staying power.

Doodle Dice

Another game whose easily-grasped rules makes it playable for a wide range of ages. In a Yahtzee-esque setup, the player rolls six dice, each with six simple symbols (angle, curve, line, squiggle, face, dot), and has three tries to match one of the figures on the "gallery" of cards that have been played. There are six colors of cards, each corresponding to a figure that takes one to six dice to complete. Your object is to match a figure from each color of card, thereby collecting that card and completing your set.

Like Quirkle, this is all about seeing spatial relationships and exercising foresight. Like Quirkle, there are no words or role-playing to get in the way of the pure challenge. And like Quirkle, the game is accessible from kindergarten-age through adults. It doesn't take very long, either. We were playing within five minutes of opening the box -- again, there's only one brief page of rules. Fun and addictive.

Monopoly Electronic Banking Edition

We knew Archer would be delighted by the chance to use ATM-style debit cards to keep track of his net worth in his updated Monopoly, but I've been hesitant to jump into Monopoly with him, quite frankly. It's long and relatively complicated, what with having to decide when to buy houses and mortgage properties. But I was surprised at how much he started enjoying himself right away. One of the only pieces of strategy I proffered was that he should buy up as many properties as possible at the beginning so they could start earning money for him; he immediately grasped it and was a super-mogul by the second time around the board. (He ended up schooling me in our first game, and not because I was hanging back, either.)

The amounts of money are ramped up in his edition -- the fact that you get $2 million for passing Go should give you an idea of the inflation rate. And the properties are famous landmarks all over the world. (I enjoyed collecting the Gateway Arch, Disney World, and the Grand Ole Opry.) But the only difference in game play is how you keep track of the money. Each player has a card, and there's a banking machine. All cards start off with $15 million. If you have to pay, put your card in the side with the minus sign, and enter the amount in either K or M (thousands or millions). If you're being paid, put your card in the plus sign side and do the same thing. And if you're paying another player, put both cards in on the appropriate side, type in the amount, and it transfers.

The real drawback here is that you have to put your card in the machine to see how much money you have. I found myself asking Archer frequently (he was operating the machine, naturally, and usually he remembered from the last time he'd inserted my card). It might be helpful for everyone to keep their latest balance jotted down on scratch paper as they play.

But I found this a faithful rendition of a classic, with a numerical/electronic component that's tailor-made to delight my number/calculator/ATM/money-obsessed autist. His sister came in near the end-game and asked (characteristically) whether she could be the banker "but not play" next time.

Trios Kings Castle

I'm really happy about the way this one worked out. Stuck about a week before Christmas with nothing for pretend-play to put under the tree, I steered Noel toward Trios (which I'd wanted to get for CG's birthday, but didn't manage to procure). He got this castle building set, and spent a couple of happy hours this afternoon putting it together with her. (She enthusiastically adopted his motto for how to tell if the pieces had locked together firmly: "A satisfying snap!"). I was amazed at how big it turned out to be. There are quite a few figures and accessories, and as soon as it was together (CG was able to handle much of the construction solo, with Dad assisting when modules had to be combined), she started having the dragon-catapult attack and putting the little minifig-like knights into single combat or having them man the cannon and crossbow.

There are several other suggestions for ways to combine the building pieces to make different varieties of castles and towers. I was hoping that a Trios set would combine CG's pride in creative construction with her love of role-playing. From her happy embrace of the set this afternoon, I think I was right.

A history of receiving

These are the best gifts I've ever received, in no particular order.

• Intellectual curiosity and a belief in myself, courtesy of my dad.
• My children -- thanks to Noel.
• The love of a good man.
• An appreciation of well-designed computers and software, from my older brother.
• Knowledge about and enjoyment of sports, thanks to the men in my family.
• Space to be myself, courtesy of my mom.
• A passion for music and the training to take part, also thanks to mom.
• The lending library system.
• A Whiteheadian perspective on Christianity, from Dr. Will Power.
• Fearless knitting, thanks to Ravelry and Ravelers everywhere.
• Good health, good teeth, and a good appetite, courtesy of my entire genetic heritage.

Thanks to everyone who's given me so much over the years. May you all be as blessed.

When darkest was the night

One of the reasons I like to be here in Conway for Christmas is the St. Peter's Christmas Eve service. Growing up, we usually had an evening church service and then a Christmas Day afternoon service with communion. But I had never gone to midnight services before I got here.

Our handbell choir usually plays -- another good reason to be at home, since it's difficult for a handbell choir to function with members missing. This year we're doing only one piece, but it's a showstopper: a version of "We Three Kings" performed with mallets banging on the tables and each other in a drumline fashion.

What's best about the midnight service, though, is the darkness. The winter solstice has just passed, and the night is at its longest and deepest. The whole service is cloaked in shadow, with only a few candles at the beginning, with more lit as Christmas, and Christ's advent, approaches. Carols quaver from the unlit pews. Scripture is read. And as the clock ticks toward the very heart of the night, we sit in silence and wait.

I'll be in the sanctuary for about three hours tomorrow and on into the day after tomorrow, all told. Between showing up early for a last handbell practice, the Christmas cantata before the service begins, and the lengthy readings and Eucharist, it's one of the longest nights of the year. But that's as it should be. That's what we're celebrating -- the arrival of light in the midst of the deepest darkness. That's what cultures the world over celebrate at this time of year, and that's the archetypal symbolism that Christians have found so congenial for their celebration of Emmanuel, God with us.

There's no place I'd rather be.

Three Christmases

It must take a while for parents to establish a Christmas equilibrium. When you go from grandparents' house to grandparents' house during or after the holidays, the kids end up having more than one gift-receiving smorgasbord. So how do you calibrate your own provision for their Christmas morning in light of the fact that they're going to have more later?

A couple of weeks ago, we realized that since we were seeing all sides of the family during the holidays, only our own gifts were going to be under the tree here in Conway. It's the first time this has happened, strangely enough; at every other Christmas, one set of grandparents or the other -- sometimes both! -- have shipped their gifts here and been a part of our own December 25.

What that means is that suddenly the pile of presents under the tree has shrunk by a factor of about 50%. And how have we responded? Predictably, by buying more than we had planned so that our Christmas morning will be as bountiful as ... we thought it should be. Because our kids certainly have no expectations. It's all about our perception of generosity and bountifulness, as parents.

In the end, the kids will have a nice sized Christmas on the day in question, then a couple more on a slightly smaller scale during the following week. Maybe 125% of a usual year's haul. And it's nobody's fault but ours. Luckily, our kids are not the type to worry and whine about what they don't have, nor to hoard and whine about what they do have. Even if we're doing our best to make unsatisfied little consumers out of them with our own insecurities about Christmas, I have confidence that their personalities will remain sunny and their outlook will remain optimistic.

Elf work

Today was unexpectedly warm, so Noel took the kids to the park while I scrambled to wrap a few presents and put them under the tree.

Operating under the assumption that Cady Gray and Archer will not care if their presents are wrapped well -- and only slightly if they are wrapped at all -- I did my fastest, sloppiest work. Ripped paper? A little extra tape will take care of that. Too big a piece for the box? Just crush the corners and force the fold through quadruple layers.

As I slapped tags on packages and grabbed the first bows that came to hand, I was reminded of Christmas Eve in the house where I grew up. On that night, and not before, Dad would announce that "Santa's workshop" was now open. He'd disappear to the basement with a roll of wrapping paper, tape, and scissors. Then, next to my mother's perfectly decorated boxes with curling ribbon and carefully preserved hand-me-down tags, Dad's contributions to the tree would appear: lumpy, misshapen rectangles with no bows and tags made out of squares of wrapping paper folded over. ("Ho ho ho," they often opined.)

Dad couldn't wrap. But he still took charge of a present for each member of the family, usually a book he thought we might like. I can wrap, but today I chose not to exert my wrapping energy. Putting it in the best light, I was paying tribute to those poorly wrapped packages with the carefully-chosen items inside. More likely, it will be Noel's gifts to me that carry on that true spirit. Nevertheless, it's nice to be able to redefine carelessness as a homage to my father.

Haul out the holly

One of the Christmas activities we have here in Conway is a visit to the light display out at the soccer field just outside of the town limits. You drive slowly around the perimeter of the complex and look at the reindeer browsing for fodder ... the elves making toys at Santa's workshop ... the Christmas train pulling in at the depot ... the nativity scene ... toy soldiers marching by their guardhouse ... and skaters gliding (or falling) on the ice.

The highlight of the tour is the set of numbers depicting the twelve days of Christmas. After two or three prior visits where we sang the song while driving by, the kids now know exactly what's coming. I sense that we now have a Tradition.

It's tough to create a tradition from scratch. They tend to just happen, I suspect. You do something by accident, and then somebody gets attached to it. The downside of traditions is that we get anxious if they are threatened. And so while I'm looking forward to Christmas morning here at home -- something we haven't experienced with the kids very often yet -- I know that I'll likely to feeling some stress about trying to make it match with the traditions I'd like to create, the ones that as of now exist only in my head.

And so it's a good time to remind myself that there is no such thing as the way it's always been -- only the selective perception of the way we think it ought to be. The holidays belong to all of us. That gives us the power to create the traditions that work for us, but it also gives us the responsibility to let other people do the same.

A whole new world

Avatar has divided my critic friends. We saw it tonight -- in 2D, unfortunately. But for the moment, if you release a film in 2D and 3D, it had better work in both. It's not like talkies were simultaneously released in a silent version. So I have to believe I saw the film, even though I wasn't wearing special glasses.

And I was pretty darn impressed. Yes, it culminates in some serious mystical hokum; yes, the story beats are predictable and the showdown with the unkillable villain preprogrammed. But there are more moments of spontaneity and humor than a big effects-laden blockbuster like this usually deserves. The facial motion-capture effects are obviously way better than anything we've seen, especially with eye movements, and that makes a huge difference in the parts of the film that have to be carried by the aliens.

But it was the scope, imagination, and detail of the environment, as well as the camera's swift and joyous movement through it, that really make this a movie to be reckoned with. Some people are saying that it is the Jazz Singer of computer-generated films. I don't think it's that big a game-changer. But I do think it's the Jurassic Park of the genre. Remember the sense of awe that was provoked when those dinosaurs ran right by Sam Neill and Laura Dern? That's exactly what this movie provides for some very long stretches. It's clearly a huge leap forward for the technology.

And thanks to the distinctive voice and eye -- for good and ill -- of James Cameron, it's a real movie as well. It has all the flaws and strengths of its creator. It's not a corporate creation. Despite the hundreds of millions of dollars and the thousands of people involved in it, there's a singular point of view to be found there. You may not like it (I've certainly got my problems with it), and it's certainly not subtle, but I think it's rather amazing that such a huge enterprise and such a technical achievement turns out to have a soul, even if partially worm-eaten.

Post scripts

It's suddenly become evident by the writing assignments Archer is bringing home that, like all kids at one time or another, he has discovered the humorous possibilities in multiple postscripts. Here's an example (all sic):

Dear Grinchy Santy Claus:

Christmas-time is special because of the snow! You can really play in that snow! You can play in it for hours! You can make snow-men, snow angels, snow-balls, or, even snow-ball-fight! Just play on in the snow, Grinchy. Good luck!

Another specialty is hot cocoa. Drink it when you're hot cold. Drink away!

Love, Archer

P.S. Are you calling yourself Grinchy-Santy-Claus?

P.P.S. You're mouth's going to water when it's time to feast.

P.P.P.S. Why are you wanting to steal Christmas?

P.P.P.P.S. The Whos want their presents back. May you pleasy please give them back?

P.P.P.P.P.S. Pleasy-please-really-sugar-topped-please?

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Please-pleasantly-plesanlly-pleaserry-raspberry-topped-please will you give them back?

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Merry Christmas!

Suddenly to just turn the page

Today's post about obsessions in bulk is at Toxophily.

As wonderful as our Thanksgiving meal was, one element was missing: traditional stuffing. I got to have hot, bready, celeryish, yellow-orange, rosemary-and-sage scented stuffing today at Archer's third grade Christmas lunch. It was the very definition of cafeteria heaven.

We haven't thought at all about Christmas dinner yet, seeing as we're going to be here all by ourselves. But I know what I'd like. Pancakes for breakfast and turkey and stuffing for lunch, with plenty of sandwiches and apples for a pre-bedtime snack.

Duties

One of the most painful duties of an administrator in my position is dealing with grade appeals. If a student accuses a professor of grading her unfairly, I have to get both sides of the story, gather evidence, and propose a resolution. What makes it so difficult is that professors feel assaulted by grade appeals. They feel that they should not have to prove they acted professionally. I understand that, because that's the position I occupy half the time I'm at work.

But part of that professionalism is understanding that their authority is exercised on behalf of the institution, and that the institution has to be able to examine what they do in order to stand behind them. I don't like peeking into another instructor's perogative, because I wouldn't like to have it done to me. I have a close relationship with students, too, though, and I know that they sincerely feel assaulted as well, sometimes. The process of grade appeals means standing in between two wounded parties. And no matter what you recommend and decide, you can't patch them up. The damage is done; the trust is shattered.

One of the happiest duties of my job is to become colleagues with my students. Tonight I took my teaching assistant out to dinner with her husband. It's wonderful to deal with students as equals -- to give them responsibility, to depend on them, to watch them rise to the occasion. And the enjoyment comes from being able to help them along to the next stage. You can give them opportunities that they can use to open doors for themselves. You can write in letters of recommendation about the very specific ways they responded to the challenge. You can introduce them not as your students, but as your partners.

The two experiences are polar opposites. One breaks the fragile connections of academia; one creates bonds that can last a lifetime. One feels like a betrayal; one feels like a gift. It's probably impossible to do this job without the promise and the peril combined. I feel very fortunate that I probably have ten experiences of the latter variety for every one of the former.

Overscheduled

For the day after grades were due, I find myself surprisingly booked up. Today we reviewed the grades of all our students; I took the car to the dealer for service; we went to a school fundraiser at a local franchise restaurant and then to Cady Gray's kindergarten Christmas program; and then I wrote up the last performance show of So You Think You Can Dance.

And because of all that I didn't remember until right now that I hadn't written a blog post. So I'll have to let what I wrote about the dance competition stand in for actual content tonight. Perhaps after tomorrow's recommendation letter writing, Course of Study School grading, meeting with the public relations officer, dinner with teaching assistants, and two hours of liveblogging, I'll find a little more time for reflection.

In decline

I had an errand to run in a certain part of town, so I thought I'd visit a fast-food establishment over there that's not in my usual rotation. I probably haven't been there in six months or more. But after a run with Archer this morning, I had a craving for one of their burgers.

When I arrived, it was five minutes after opening. Cars were lined up at the drive-through, but I was the first to pull in and park. I grabbed my book and my purse and walked up to the door -- only to find it locked. Checked the hours; yep, supposed to open five minutes ago. Walked around to the other side -- locked.

I peered in the window and saw a couple exiting the other side of the restaurant, and then an employee coming toward my side. She opened the doors and said, "You can come inside, but I'm the only one here. The others will be here in a few minutes."

As I waiting, I thought about what it meant if a franchise doesn't have employees who show up for opening. It's a sign of a business in decline.

Noel and I used to go to a pasta franchise not far from where I was having lunch today. By the last time we went, some menu items were listed as unavailable, and the food was served on paper plates from the nearby Wal-Mart. The franchise couldn't afford to get its supplies from the main office. It was the last gasp. Shortly thereafter, the building was up for sale (and so it still remains today).

I find the experience of visiting a failing business depressing. It's like throwing good money after bad. I can no longer help them, and they know that; so why should they care about me? Driving back to my office, I almost expected to find it as abandoned and dysfunctional as the restaurant. Failure feels like a virus that could easily spread.

At the movies

Noel let me horn in on his daddy-daughter time this afternoon. Usually he takes Cady Gray to the movies and I spend time with Archer. But because I was excited about seeing The Princess And The Frog, he let me switch places with him.

It was a thrill. When you're young and just starting to imagine having a family, you think about taking your imaginary kids to the kinds of movies you saw as a kid. And for me, of course, that's traditional Disney animation. The return of cel animation is like the ability to step back in time and give your children an experience that you had, that for a scary moment you thought never would return.

And I think those who are critiquing the movie for not being an instant classic are missing the forest for the trees. Quite aside from the cultural significance of a Disney heroine and setting in the African-American community -- a belated rectifying of the Uncle Remus legacy -- this is a tremendously enjoyable and often technically astounding piece of work. I think some of the broad, slapstick humor is off-putting, but that's maybe two sequences out of the whole. Some of the most remarkable effects animation in history more than compensates -- the brief song of the fireflies is glorious, and nearly all the musical sequences have animation that pops right out of the frame. I don't know what people who complain about the music are talking about -- it's fantastic; loving, complex, but infectious invocations of distinctly American genres, with some inspired lyrics. Not the most hummable tunes, but really wonderful in context.

The story might be among the weaker of the fairy-tale adaptations, but the writers make something out of almost nothing by giving the hero and heroine a classic ant and grasshopper dynamic. It turns out to be a meditation on what it means to achieve your dreams -- what success consists of -- a theme I frequently bring up with students.

I hope I get to take Cady Gray to many more hand-drawn animated films in the future. Perhaps Noel will let me have that segment of the kid-movie market to experience with my daughter. We both enjoyed our first outing in the series, and hereby petition John Lasseter for a long and fruitful run of the new golden age of the cel.

A moment to shine

I attended two commencement ceremonies today in my role as one of the faculty marshals. Seven times a year I lead the undergraduates who are receiving Latin honors or have completed a thesis project across the stage. It always takes up most of a Saturday, and in the case of the three May ceremonies, all of a Saturday.

My undergraduate commencement was a momentous occasion. I gathered with my friends on the recently denuded quad (Dutch elm disease had claimed the stately rows of trees that had previously shaded it), I walked across the stage, I shook the president's hand, and a few weeks later I got my diploma in a mailer tube.

But I didn't attend the ceremony for my master's degree. It was to be held in the basketball arena, and there was no walking across the stage for the thousands of graduates. Besides, I was headed to the big moment -- the Ph.D. hooding ceremony, held in a beautiful garden just off the Lawn at the University of Virginia.

There were between three and four hundred graduates at each of the two ceremonies today. Each of them heard the melodious voice of the dean of students pronounce their name, walked to the center of the stage to the sound of whoops from their family and friends, and took an empty embossed diploma cover from the hand of the president. Even as the student reached for it, the next name was being announced. They walked to the other side of the stage, passed by me or another faculty marshal, and it was over. Fifteen seconds in the spotlight.

Our culture elevates the commencement ceremony, whether high school or college, into a hugely significant rite of passage. We're supposed to have the party of our lives, be assaulted by existential anxiety, and experience it all in slow motion through a star filter. I think the reality is far more pedestrian for most students. And yet for most, there's only get one shot at it. Perhaps I'm lucky to have seven commencements a year. Sure, it means I'm not going anywhere; but at least I have a chance to savor the moment over and over and over.