Thursday, October 2, 2008

In the spotlight

Almost since the semester began, I've had the strange and intermittently stressful feeling of being under scrutiny. There are several reasons that the eyes of others have been focused on me. At times it's been about me personally, and how I do my job. Other people see me as part of a group that's a problem on campus because we don't fit in one way or another.

Most of us like to do our job without attracting constant attention. Sure, we put ourselves in situations where all eyes are on us, and we have to perform. That's different from being examined for who you are -- characteristics of your personality -- or for the philosophy of education you represent. When the roving spotlight seems to be following you around, it can be a bewildering experience. You ask yourself what put you in the hot seat all of a sudden.

I haven't been going through this alone, and thank goodness I haven't been put in charge of justifying my existence. I've been getting plenty of support. It's been a valuable opportunity to learn more about myself and to think about what I do. But it will be nice to fade into the background and get back to doing my job, not a symbol nor an obstacle. Just me.

1 comment:

the secret knitter said...

I've been in the middle of this kind of scenario for a couple years now, and the heat may get turned up if a tax issue fails in November. Being caught in a perpetual case of justify your existence is not fun, but I suppose the upside is that it keeps you sharp if it doesn't grind you down.