Reading the instruction booklet for Super Mario Galaxy has led Archer to take an interest in the storyline of the Mario games. Tonight he told us that he had a nine DVD set of Mario Adventures. At Cady Gray's urging, he told us three of them. Since I happened to have my computer open, I made a transcription.
The first installment follows the instruction book backstory almost word-for-word, with a big leap at the end to provide some sort of closure. The others are a bit more indicative of Archer's attempts to tell stories about the events, conflicts, and milestones he personally finds most compelling. Lately he's been devouring the information in his book of sports rules, and his pretend games have been consumed with penalties, even to the exclusion of the game itself; he pitted me against someone named "Cathy" in soccer yesterday, but we never scored goals, only got red and yellow cards (tallied on a Magnadoodle chart). You'll see that particular obsession reflected in his narratives below.
Mario And The Galaxies
One night, Mario received a letter. It said: "Dear Mario, I'll be waiting for you at the castle on the night of the star festival. I'll be so glad to see you. Love, Peach." With invitation in his hand, Mario hurried to the Mushroom Kingdom as the star festival was getting into full swing. Mario was looking forward to the night's festivities. But then something happened. Someone sent Mario to the galaxies. As the years went by, Mario just went around collecting star bits, avoiding Megaleg controlled by Bowser Jr., and getting Grand Stars.
When Mario visited all the galaxies, it was then the year of the next festival. I hope Bowser won't ruin it this time!
Mario was going along to all the circuits and races in a bus with Luigi. But then when they arrived, they went over to the practice station to practice all the courses. When they reached Mario Circuit, Peach arrived. And then Mario pushed Luigi out of his kart and then hoped Peach would play games with Mario at her castle. Then when it was time for the games to start, Mario beat all the others, including Bowser, and he also beat Bowser in N64 Bowser's Castle. He quietly went on, but when Mario used his red shell, it hit Luigi and Luigi fell off the course. Then some helpful girl returned him back on the course. But even if he would return on the course, he got last place. Mario even raced in DK Summit and guess what place he got: First! Even Bowser couldn't get in first place. But he sometimes falls off the course and Mario wants on the gold trophy for that big 150 VS race.
[Cady Gray: Who was that helpful girl in the story? Archer: She picks up karts by riding on a lightning cloud. CG: Well, what is her name, do you know? Archer: I don't know what her name really is. Next episode!]
Mario And the Olympics
Mario suddenly received an invitation to compete against his friends in the annual Olympics. He ran the 400 meters but when he ran the 400 meter hurdles, he knocked over 3 hurdles so he disqualified. I'm sure at the next Olympics, he won't knock over any. Actually, at the next Olympics, a counterweight will keep the hurdles from falling.
Then, on the shorter hurdles, the boys and girls were separated. Boys race 110 meters, and girls race 100 meters. Mario saw a hurdle at every 10 meters. He only knocked over one hurdle. Then, when he was at the seventh hurdle, he pushed Luigi, so Mario disqualified again.
[Me: Why does he always push Luigi? CG: Because Mario doesn't like him.]
But then when Mario did the high jump, he knocked over Luigi and disqualified again. When he done the pole vault, Mario ran into the bar and disqualified. And Peach vaulted without the pole, so her results didn't count.
Then, when Mario done drag racing, he wrecked Bowser's drag racer and Bowser was sent to the pit row to fix it. Peach was argumentive with Luigi so Peach was deducted ten seconds. That's actually a penalty of ten seconds. When Mario finishes final lap first, he found out that Peach got lost because of her deducted ten seconds. Luigi got second place, even if he got sent to the pit row.
[CG: Remember, Archer, you actually said Bowser was sent to the pit row. Archer: Also Luigi was sent because when Bowser's vehicle was fixed, Bowser wrecked Luigi's vehicle with his spikes. CG: Yes, Bowser is really spiky. I really think he's a dinosaur.]
Then it was time for the ski slalom. Peach just kept going straight and got a time of two minutes and forty-five seconds. Her penalty was 1 minute and 43 seconds, and she got last place again. During the 4x400 meter relay race, Mario dropped the baton so he disqualified.
[CG: Mario keeps disqualifying!]
And Mario also twirled the baton to Luigi so he gone to the back.
[CG: What is the back anyway? Archer: It probably means he gets behind the last place player.]
But Mario still got first place. As Mario showed, Mario's team -- Mario, Luigi, and even Bowser is also on Mario's team -- and his team won the gold medal.
[CG: Yeah, but Mario was bad to all his teammates so he disqualified some of them!]
The fourth episode will be Mario's Super Slugger, and the fifth episode will be Super Mario and His Brothers.